Q. I was caught off guard last week by a busybody mother at my son’s boarding school asking us to join them for their sports day picnic. I pretended we would have our son’s godparents with us but she just said words to the effect of ‘bring them, the more the merrier’. My son doesn’t even like their son. How can I get out of this without causing offence?
Name and address withheld
A. Tell the busybody you have thought through her kind invitation but, realistically, you want the godparents to concentrate on your son because ‘they see him so rarely’. At the event itself, the busybody may not notice in the mêlée who, if anyone, you are picnicking with but if queries arise, gush brightly: ‘Yes! We’re wondering where they are as well. They’re not picking up!’
Q. Have you noticed how confusing the RSVP etiquette has become? For a long time there has been ‘RSVP please’, which is of course tautologous. Then there is ‘RSVP if accepting’ on institutional invitations, as a result of which people often don’t respond to private invitations if they cannot come, leaving the host uncertain. Most recently, giving a party, I have had ‘RSVP-ing from John and Jane’. What does that mean – is it a yes or a no?
O.R., London
A. It’s hard to tell. To sidestep the modern confusion (and flakiness) around RSVP-ing, professional party planners now use a medical appointment-type reminder system. They communicate directly with all guests, not only to confirm, but also to winkle out a ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ from the commitment-phobic. You could engage a proxy to do this for you.
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