Q. An old friend who is extremely generous and loyal has the most infuriating habit. Despite being efficient in other ways, she doesn’t seem to have a functioning address book or contacts on her iPhone. She recently had a huge book launch and for weeks ahead was emailing me repeatedly for emails or mobile numbers. I responded patiently, sometimes even giving the same details three times. Recently I wondered if she actually does have the details but it was simpler to get me to look up things up. I want to put an end to it without being rude. What should I do?
– E.S., London W11
A. Next time you could convey the nuisance impact of such serial badgering by gushing: ‘What fun! Why don’t you get all the names you need details for together and send them to me as an omnibus request? Then I can get someone in to help me look them up all in one go.’
Q. We have a house in Spain, and last year a couple of friends (both single) asked to stay for a few days as they were travelling in the area. When they left we were looking forward to a couple of days on our own, but then they rang from the airport to say that, due to a technical hitch, there would be no flights for three days and they were coming back as all the hotels were booked up. We had to remake the beds and go and buy more food. It slightly ruined the end of a blissful summer. What could we have done, Mary?
– Name and address withheld
A. You would have had no option other than to use the Bible-approved response of welcoming them back. However you might have turned the intrusion to your advantage by confessing you had set aside the days to tackle boring admin. Since you would be distracted by their marvellous company, could they bear to help? Then you could have conjured up some chores.
Q. Weddings are so expensive, especially as they seem to go on for eight hours with a sit-down dinner and dancing. What is the etiquette about asking ‘other halves’? There is sometimes a ‘no ring, no bring’ policy but, if guests then go on to get married, it’s a shame that they weren’t included in the celebrations.
– A.E., Pewsey, Wiltshire
A. It is perfectly acceptable to ask other halves to join the wedding party after dinner. The dance floor is already paid for and the only expense is their drinks. Most people who don’t know a marrying couple that well are relieved not to have to hire kit and sit through the formalities. Meanwhile, full guests are reinvigorated by the arrival of ‘fresh blood’ later in the evening.
Write to Dear Mary at dearmary@spectator.co.uk
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