Q. My friend has had an irritating experience in our local cinema. She speaks fluent French and teaches it in secondary school. Her enjoyment of a very good French film with English subtitles was ruined by a group of women in the back row laughing loudly each time a joke was made in French, before the subtitles appeared. This ruined the experience for my friend, who often sees French films there. How should she shut these show-offs up if they do it again?
– E.S., Sussex
A. Loud laughter is unacceptable in any circumstances, let alone in a small screening room. However ‘erudition signalling’ is a plague of all arts venues. At the opera, know-alls disrupt by chortling merrily at incomprehensible libretto jokes before the surtitle appears. You cannot stop the offenders, as the need to flag superiority is a main driver of ticket sales and the annoyances must be endured if your independent cinema is to survive.
Q. I have been invited to Sicily for five days by a new friend whose family own an incredible villa there. As there will be no cook in situ I’m worried we will have to go out to dinner in a restaurant each night and that I may be expected to pay for him (because he’s providing the roof over our heads). If he will expect me to pay each night – which some might think reasonable – then I can’t afford to go. How can I get clarity on this, Mary? – T.W., London W12
A. Text him saying: ‘I’ve had to order a new bank card. If it doesn’t arrive by the time I leave I’m going to have to get cash out from my bank in London. How much do you think I will need – tops – for the five days?’
Q. A dear friend recently came to stay for a night. While she was having her morning coffee downstairs, I nipped up to her room and stripped her bed and brought the sheets downstairs to the kitchen. She looked very affronted and told me she felt it was ‘unfriendly’ to have done this, as if to say she wasn’t welcome to stay any longer. I explained that I already knew she had no intention of staying longer and that, as I have no domestic help, it suited me to launder the sheets immediately. Mary, were my actions rude?
– J.F., London SW12
A. Your guest was right to feel a little unnerved by the urgency you displayed over the laundering. Like an Englishman’s home, a guest’s room is their ‘castle’ until such time as he or she has definitely left your premises. Although it seemed rational to you, by stripping the bed you pre-empted the tiny possibility of your guest changing her mind and staying an extra night. This went against the spirit of hospitality.
Write to Dear Mary at dearmary@spectator.co.uk
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