Mary Killen Mary Killen

Dear Mary: your problems solved

Your problems solved

Q. Each year I send out about 130 Christmas cards and get back about 80. This year I received 40. I have no reason to think that I have become less popular. Can you shed any light on this disheartening development, Mary?
— J.F., London SW12

A. Many people simply could not afford to send them, but there were other factors at play. Traditional scenes celebrating the birth of Christ were widely unavailable outside of galleries and museums (where they are costly). It seems pointless to send a Simpsons Christmas card. The Post Office, in a bid to avoid offending non-Christians, is issuing secular stamps one year and non-secular the next. This year only compulsory stamps of Wallace and Gromit were on offer. These did not seem to strike the right note. Boastcards (where smug marrieds pose in front of their grand houses with their four or five good-looking children) seemed provocative in the current climate. But finally, with the best will in the world, even those who wanted to send glad tidings, and had the wherewithal to do it, found themselves thwarted at the first hurdle. They found they simply did not have people’s addresses and postcodes — only their email addresses. In this respect, only houses with secretaries or old-fashioned Stepford Wives inside could oblige.

Q. My life has been transformed by my new hearing aid but, due to its visibility, I am constantly being asked by people ‘Was it shooting?’ As it happens, it was, but I slightly resent the assumption that I can be stereotyped in this way. What should I say, Mary?
— B.G., London SW1

A. Why not throw them off their stride by replying, ‘No, it was helicopters.’

Already a subscriber? Log in

Keep reading with a free trial

Subscribe and get your first month of online and app access for free. After that it’s just £1 a week.

There’s no commitment, you can cancel any time.

Or

Unlock more articles

REGISTER

Comments

Don't miss out

Join the conversation with other Spectator readers. Subscribe to leave a comment.

Already a subscriber? Log in