Tamzin Lightwater

Diary of a Notting Hill Nobody | 11 July 2009

Tamzin Lightwater's unique take on the week

Monday

How dare Gordon and Sarah hold lasagne suppers! It is absolutely outrageous. It just shows the breathtaking arrogance of this Prime Minister that he thinks he can steal a groundbreaking idea like that and get away with it. Of course we are seeking legal advice. Dave definitely holds the patent, morally speaking, it’s just whether it’s enforceable. Jed says Sarah can bake as many lasagnes as she wants, but she’ll never get the exact same pasta-maker Sam uses because they had it commissioned specially from a company in Italy that’s stopped making them now. Also, does Sarah use organic minced beef from Daylesford? Is the salad from Pimlico Road farmers’ market? Probably not. We rest our case. Honestly. With the mess this country’s in, you would think the Prime Minister had more important things to think about than lasagne. In any case, I v much doubt a socialist béchamel sauce is up to much.

Tuesday

Came in to find the words ‘Nice Tory cuts’ written in big letters on the white board. We’ve got to come up with five examples each of compassionate, progressive, modern, caring and inclusive spending cuts. Gids says the battle at the next election is cuts v. cuts and ours have to be the nicest. Obviously, as a first step we’ve locked Mr Redwood in the Tranquillity Room with his big box full of horrible cuts, like slashing spending on everything but space programmes — nanu nanu! But formulating a fully costed set of nice cuts will not be easy. Tough decisions will have to be made. Necessary cuts will have to be dropped in favour of less effective cuts that people won’t mind as much. But we must be brave and show we are up to the challenge.

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