Tamzin Lightwater

Diary of a Notting Hill Nobody | 18 July 2009

Tamzin Lightwater's unique take on the week

Monday

I wonder if Gary has Gwyneth Paltrow’s number? No reason he would have, obviously, but just on the off chance he did, it would be great to ring and ask her if she would consider doing a little fundraiser for us. Nothing over the top, just something tasteful with Chris Martin, saying how happy they are to be Tories, if indeed they are. I don’t want to ask him yet, because obviously the whole ‘phone-tapping’ thingummy is still v difficult and he looks a bit edgy. It can’t be nice being accused of something you had absolutely nothing to do with while you were in charge. It certainly is a distressing business. But at the end of the day, I’m convinced something positive will come out of all this — it usually does. Dave’s amazing like that. Nigel says it’s the Teflon Tony effect (yet more evidence he is the true heir to Blair!) although we need to think of a suitable catchphrase to personalise it. ‘Duracoat Dave’ is an option, but that’s a paint technology firm in California and there may be problems with the copyright.

Tuesday

Went to take Gary his morning tea and custard creams and he was grovelling around on the floor with his ear pressed against the carpet. He said: ‘They put them in the underlay sometimes.’ I just agreed with him. Everyone deals with pressure in their own way. Also had to be patient when Captain Smithy rang to ask that we make sure he doesn’t get ‘any gay questions’ when he does his press conference about his new measures to boost marriage. Naturally, I thought he meant he didn’t want any silly, tame questions but he said, ‘Don’t get metropolitan with me, missy.

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