Diary of a Notting Hill Nobody | 2 May 2009

Monday

Farewell then GWB. Whoever thought that was a good idea? Nobody here, I can assure you. Measuring output in terms of General Wellbeing is just plain silly when the really important stuff is all to do with hard figures. As such, we will be using a brand new measure of the nation’s progress from now on. It’s called GDP, or Gross Domestic Product, I believe. Much more sensible. Speaking of which, thank goodness for Mr Redwood and his super list of cuts we can make to public spending. Nanu nanu! We always said the instinctive small state ideas of traditional rightwingers would sweep this party to power and so it has proved to be! (Spending cuts ideas on a postcard please. Literally everything considered. Mark for the attn of ‘Project Slash and Burn’.)

Tuesday

Mr Flight on the phone again asking whether we’ve forgiven him now. I can sort of see his point but on the other hand he did cause an awful kerfuffle at the time. Told him that unfortunately there are no points in politics for getting something right four years too early. ‘But I only said what you’re all saying now!’ Had to hand the phone to Jed who explained the obvious to him: ‘We didn’t believe it then, mate. Yes, I know it’s unfair, but life’s unfair. Life is miserable and horrible and depressing and unfair. You think I’m happy? I haven’t had a power smoothie since Thursday. I had to stay in a Holiday Inn Express in Cheltenham. Austerity Britain, mate. Get with the programme.’

Wednesday

Poor Little Al Duncan came into the office and got a terrible ribbing. People hiding under their desks, girls screaming and running away from him waving their arms over their heads.