Diary of a Notting Hill Nobody | 21 April 2007

MONDAY

V annoyed. Am I the only one around here who hasn’t been offered a job at Google? Not a single phone call from a headhunter in the whole time I’ve been working my little Dolce & Gabbana boots off for the good of Modern Conservatism.

The whole of CCHQ is downing tools and scuttling off to make megabucks in the private sector. Nigel says it’s the Brain Drain he’s been warning about since Jed issued a memo telling everyone that working on Project Dave was reward enough in itself and ‘let’s hear no more off-message nonsense about pay and conditions. We’ve all had to make sacrifices. And don’t forget: seasonally adjusted General Well-Being is up 5 per cent, year-on-year!’ I thought this was odd, because I heard there were four people including Jed who are earning a million between them. But Nigel said that was a sacrifice from Jed’s point of view.

Mood not lightened by Foxy’s ‘say sorry or else’ performance versus Desperate Dessy.  Poppy says DD is champing at bit. If it had been him, Dessy would be toast by now. ‘Just shows you can’t send a boy to do a man’s job’ etc etc. (It’s an affliction, really.)

TUESDAY

Oh dear. Now DD is attacking Dave, calling him a Southern Softie. It’s v odd because everyone thought DD was happy — but in fact he’s not happy at all! He got very cross when Mr Letwin left a spare Deepak Chopra book on his desk. Apparently the Home Affairs portfolio is going to be carved up and DD’s fretting that it won’t be big enough for him. ‘If you’re trying to tame a big beast, you better make sure you feed him plenty of meat, and I’m talking raw, red chunks, not tuna carpaccio …’ etc etc .