Monday
Very odd thing has happened. Was in Starbucks queuing for brownies when gorgeous Alessio fixed me with his sultry stare and said, ‘Hey, lady, you leave your things!’ And produced my folder of emails! He said it fell off the counter, and he’s sorry it’s soggy but it landed in a puddle of semi-skimmed.
So I didn’t leak the emails after all!
Am so disappointed. Was enjoying being femme fatale and having everyone treading on eggshells.
Tuesday
Another Tory belief successfully ditched! Rail privatisation goes the way of patient passports, tax cuts, leaving the EPP and fighting crime. (‘To the great resting place of principles in the sky,’ Nigel says.) Dave is ripping through them! If he goes on
at this rate we’ll be well ahead of schedule on the ‘core-vote-shedding’ strategy. Mr Letwin reckons we can safely lose a million ‘saddos’. Says that’s a ‘conservative’ estimate — and then chuckles to himself as we all shuffle with embarrassment and look at our watches.
Still, Mr Letwin is definitely on form and v excited as IDS has found him a group of youths who have agreed to go to his house for dinner. Says confit de canard and crème brûlée will turn their lives around (‘Even better than a hug, one might venture!’). Nigel says he hopes ‘Smithy’ has found some docile ones. Some of the hoodies he does his social justice experiments on are pretty near the end of their tether. They were right as rain before he started on them.
DD strutting around telling everyone about his ‘mug a hoodie’ strategy. Poppy exhausted. Says whenever Dave does something soppy, DD gets a massive surge of energy. She has a theory that if DC ever turned macho, DD would shrivel into a little ball and disappear.
Wednesday
Yet another press release claiming it’s ‘still early days’ for the A-list. (Why do we keep bothering with these?) Bernard and Ann are desperate. They’ve worked out that a Tory woman is more likely to be struck by lightning in Hyde Park than be selected for a safe seat. How scary is that! Hope they’ve warned them.
Thursday
Stranger and stranger. I told Julian it wasn’t me who leaked the emails and he said, ‘Of course it wasn’t you, it was that treacherous bimbette!’ Apparently there is a loose cannon in our midst who is leaking things to Downing Street as revenge against some MP she’s been, in Julian’s words, ‘having it away with’. I can’t believe it. We don’t do sex scandals any more. Do we?
He won’t tell me who the girl is except to say she’s in her twenties and ‘fiendishly pretty’. Could be anyone! Suzie, Katie, Jillie, Janie, Lucy, Penny, Polly, Poppy (!?). The mind boggles.
Can barely concentrate and have huge list of people to ring to flag up another speech Dave is making on the importance of the family. How tiresome.
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