Tamzin Lightwater

Diary of a Notting Hill Nobody | 25 October 2008

Tamzin Lightwater's unique take on the week


I knew it! It’s always something to do with the Bullingdon. A note arrived this morning from Mr Rothschild, marked Attention Gideon: ‘That’ll teach you for rolling me down a hill in a Portaloo.’ Not sure I should give it to him, he’s already in a foul mood. There’s been a terrible to-do between him and Dave, according to Jenny, who was listening through the wall using one of Gary’s funny earpieces. Dave demanded to know whether there was anything else Gids should tell him about his Greek holiday. ‘Did you and Fran go snorkelling with Osama bin Laden by any chance?’

Jenny says he’s just jealous that Gids has more rich friends than him now. Personally, I think we could stop all this if we told the truth. What if Gids and Mr F did go aboard the Queen K for a lapdancing and tsatsiki weekend because they were fed up with their substandard four-star villas? Surely that would be better than the current allegations? Jed says not, but if you ask me I think we’re going to have to release the photos of them getting a speciality massage in the on-board spa before this whole thing gets out of hand.


Gary has put a big map of Corfu up on the wall. It’s got little pins and flags stuck on it at various locations where key events are meant to have happened. I don’t know how this is going to help but it certainly brightens up the office which has been looking a bit dull since Jed’s blue skies brainstorming board and gumball dispenser were taken away as a mark of respect to the downturn.

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