Monday
Some v awkward people are deliberately misunderstanding what Dave said about women- only shortlists. We feel we must remind these people that troublemaking is fundamentally unConservative and that any further attempts to disrupt Compassionate Cameronian principles of compliance with the party line and non-resistance to the stated policy of the leadership will be met with the strongest possible measures. Just to be clear: when Dave said, ‘I want women-only shortlists’, he did not mean that we are going to bring in women-only shortlists. Duh!! What he meant — and I can’t believe we are having to spell this out — is that we may or may not have all-women shortlists at some point in the future, quite possibly by accident. Or not. Now, let that be an end to all this silly talk about constituencies being forced to select Cameron Cuties. Which reminds me, must think up a better name for them. Dave’s Darlings? Dave’s Divas? Yes, that’s much more dignified.
Tuesday
Chairman Pickles took morning strategy meeting and showed off his little blue book of ladies who may or may not form a shortlist. ‘We’ve got some really lovely lasses on the list. Some absolute stunners. Look at that one!’ And everyone whistled. ‘Of course they’ve got brains too, mind. So remember not to patronise them when you ring up and ask for their vital statistics.’
Speaking of statistics, a lot of bankers are asking what we suggest they do with a bonus of £2,000, or £1,200 after tax. Some of them are complaining that there isn’t much you can buy with that. Honestly, talk about lack of imagination. Gids is furious and is trying to come up with a list. So far he’s got: A nice meal out, a roll of wallpaper, a Smythson’s sponge bag…, ‘er… can you finish this off? I’ve got to go and have my hair straightened again.’
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