Diary of a Notting Hill Nobody | 5 May 2007

Monday

Jed in terrible mood. He’s been like it since last Wednesday when his bicycle broke down on the way to Stamford Bridge. I must say, I can’t quite work out how a bicycle can break down. I mean, what happens exactly? He had to keep texting the people waiting for him in the corporate billionaires’ box to ask what the score was as he dragged his bike along the street. He never did get there. Bit like a nightmare. Nigel says that sort of thing could turn a less message-focused man against bicycles for life. Scary!

Wonky Tom reckons Jed turned up in a taxi this morning, but nobody saw it, and we can’t be sure. It is crucial that we clarify this. If he did ditch the bike, even once, it could potentially release all of us from our eco-travel obligations and make life so much easier. If we can just catch a glimpse of him getting into a cab!

Mr Maude also in stinky mood. He spent entire weekend trying to get people to Dave’s local election ‘mass’ rally in Swindon. Pictures looked OK in the end, which was great tribute to Special Ops. Just shows what you can do with ten students, a pensioner who thinks she’s waiting for a Daz promotion, and a bit of imagination!

Tuesday

Everyone panicking quite badly about local elections! We are all being sent to target areas, to do what I have no idea. Panic publicly? Nigel says Poppy and I are being sent somewhere crucial, but we don’t know where yet. All we know is it will be a place where we are trailing horrendously, and on the verge of complete wipe-out by the Lib Dems. If Mr Pickles’s exciting wallcharts are correct that could literally mean anywhere — so it’s a packing nightmare, with more than I can reasonably fit into my Anya Hindmarch ‘I’m Not A Plastic Bag’ bag.