Escaping Xmas

In Competition No. 2372 you were given 12 Christmassy words and invited to incorporate them, in any order, into a piece of prose that has nothing to do with Christmas. I take my judge’s wig off to you all for the variety of scenarios you managed to conjure up, fisticuffs being the only recurrent one. To make room for seven worthy winners (Brian Braithwaite’s ‘shorty’ is too impressive not to include) I am simply wishing you all a happy New Year with my most benevolent beam. The winners, printed below, get £25 each, and the Cobra Premium beer is Margaret Joy’s.

The two ‘wise men’ were allies in adversity. One was a genuine butler, with the features of a man not unfamiliar with the boxing ring; the other appeared a bit of a card and completely crackers but was in fact amiably stable. These two would sit on a log discussing the shortcomings of the other competitors present, including the journalist. She was the real star, stuffing herself with creepy-crawlies as though she couldn’t wait to gobble them down. It gave the others goose-flesh to watch her, but she rose to every challenge. ‘The programme-makers wanted to give some depth to the programme,’ she asserted with a merry chortle, ‘so naturally they chose me.’
Margaret Joy

Good morning, gentlemen. I will make a brief statement. Questions will have to wait until after today’s meeting between the Chancellor and the wise men of the Bank of England.

Let me state clearly that the Chancellor was not drunk. I have seen the entry in the police station log. He was not even mildly merry. You have, not for the first time, been led on a wild goose chase.