Today's commentary on the independence referendum kerfuffle is out-sourced to the Daily Mash:
As Scottish first minister Alex Salmond set out his timetable for an independence referendum, he was dealt a devastating blow after research showed separation from the UK would make absolutely no difference whatsoever.
Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: "It will still be damp, windy and miles from everywhere."
"The Scottish people will continue to shop, drink, complain, work for the council, eat beige food and hate each other because of football, religion or some bastard hybrid of the two."
[...] "They will also retain their baffling sense of entitlement and the government will still interfere constantly in people's lives. The only thing that will change is that they'll be reduced to one set of shitwit politicians on which to pin the blame."
Brubaker added: "Meanwhile, the rest of the UK will also remain exactly the same, only more so."
The Scottish National Party condemned the research as racist stereotyping and then welcomed it for proving that independence would be completely risk-free. Whole chuckesome thing here. There's many a truth uttered in jest and all that and the Mash-lads should be entertaining company during our exciting, probably-too-short 1,000 day campaign.