Football’s still the big boy in the playground – even when the big boys aren’t playing

It’s been a long, hot, soccerless holiday. There has been football about — the women’s European Championship, for example, and various age-group tournaments, all of which England departed with undue haste — but not the proper stuff. There hasn’t been a tournament where players can ‘put themselves in the shop window’ or prove that they have what it takes ‘at the highest level’ for any club with a fat chequebook and a friendly press.

Youth football, even women’s, is all very well but it doesn’t pay the bills. Men’s professional football is, sadly, the big kid in the playground of sport. When it’s not there we miss it and make up for its absence by talking about it like kids in the run-up to Christmas with a long wishlist who see no reason why we can’t have it all.

So the buzz around the bar and the water-cooler is transfer speculation, a relatively new industry, complete with its own glossary of terms, and  busy even when nothing is happening. Wayne Rooney doesn’t want to stay at Manchester United and Chelsea are in for him. Nothing doing, say United, as Chelsea ‘step up’ interest in the ‘want-away’ striker. United want Cesc Fabregas, but Barcelona say he’s going nowhere, which leaves United with one option: to ‘step up’ their interest in order to ‘test the resolve’ of the Catalan giants. Real Madrid are looking to sign Gareth Bale, but Tottenham say the Welshman is not for sale. Real are said to be prepared to cough up £105 million, which would ‘test the resolve’ of Spurs and potentially give André Villas-Boas a ‘war chest’ to ‘test the resolve’ of Liverpool when it comes to their ‘want-away’ striker, Luis Suarez.

Phew. Well, if Gareth Bale really is worth the £100-odd million that Real are said to have offered, then all the spinach that has been shelled out over the years for assorted Premier League bums seems like a bargain.