Act one, scene one
The curtain opens on the offices of The Spectator magazine, London SW1, where a woman stands, stage left, staring at a telephone. A clock on the wall says 7.15. Something about the woman’s demeanour suggests it to be p.m. How long can she look at a phone? Just as the audience is beginning to wonder, the woman sighs, picks up a sheaf of papers from the desk and starts to read out loud:
Me: Tom Hollander, actor, born 1967. Read English at Cambridge. TV and film credits include: Absolutely Fabulous, Martha, Meet Daniel and Laurence, Gosford Park, The Lost Prince and Pride and Prejudice…Pirates of the Caribbean parts I and II. The Libertine with Johnny Depp, Elizabeth: The Golden Age with Cate Blanchett…In 2006, took part in the 24-hour plays at the Old Vic.
She looks up at the clock: 7.25, then down at a photo of Tom (the foxy one, you see to the right) as the light dims.
Scene two
Stage right. Tom Hollander is sitting in an armchair in front of a gas fire in Berlin, reading the script of his latest flick — a Tom Cruise vehicle about von Stauffenberg’s attempt to assassinate Hitler, with a cast of starry Brits: Kenneth Branagh, Bill Nighy, Eddie Izzard. How do we know it’s Berlin? We just do.
As Tom takes a sip of tea, the clock hands hit 7.30 and his mobile rings.
Both sides of the stage are now lit.
M: Hello, it’s Mary from The Spectator.
Tom (leaning back and stretching): Mary! Hello, hello, hello.
M: Are you all right to speak now?
T: Yes, absolutely. I’ve finished filming, I’ve made a cup of tea, I’ve turned the fire on. (Sips tea)
M: Lovely! So we’re going to talk about the 24-hour plays at the Old Vic, but I’m afraid I don’t know anything about them.
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