Our world has been rocked by revelations that Bridget Jones — described as 'the world's most famous literary singleton' — is now a widow. Her ex-husband Mark Darcy has left her with two children and a life lived through social media. Bridget is now obsessed with a toyboy called Roxter, a 29-year-old she met on Twitter.
Pull yourself together, Bridget! The solution is obvious to Mr Steerpike (oh all right! Lady Steerpike was my inspiration). You must get hitched to your long-time, on-again-off-again love interest, the devilishly endearing Daniel Cleaver. Here's why:
1). If Hugh Grant reprises the movie character, at least it will keep him occupied. #hackedoff
4). Being in the publishing industry, Daniel is presumably literate. His tweets and texts will be comprehensible. #phew
5). Daniel has been a regular, dependable presence in your diary for two decades, and is now in his 50s — older than our political leaders Nick Clegg, George Osborne and Ed Miliband. #experienced #consistent
8). Do you really want to stay with a man called Roxter? #no