Alex Massie

Gordon Brown & The Smiths: Heaven Knows We’re All Miserable Now

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Here we go again, folks! It's Plot Against Gordon time again. And so soon after the last one too! According to Martin Kettle, Labour's conspirators are contemplating an October move against the Prime Minister. Well, we'll see. Maybe this one will be different and actually come to something.

Basically, however, the parliamentary Labour party's relationship with the Prime Minister is like a Smiths compilation album:

Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now

Me too. What are we going to do? Did you see Gordon's performance yesterday?

That Joke Isn't Funny Anymore

No I guess it isn't.

Half A Person

Sad but true; harsh but fair. Gordon will always only be Gordon.


I know it's not dignified but it's the only sensible thing to do in these circumstances. Did you see the latest poll? Somebody has to do something sometime. Soon!

How Soon is Now?

Not just yet, mind you. Let's not be hasty. Besides, this is no time for bravery.

These Things Take Time

Which is what we don't have! They hate us, they really hate us!

A Rush and A Push and the Land is Ours

I know! To dream, perchance to live! Imagine...

I Started Something I Couldn't Finish

Oh no! You didn't did you? Not again. Not like Purnell! Not like Milliband! This doesn't make us look any better you know.

Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me

Me too. I was happy for a while. Then I woke up.

What Difference Does It Make?

We're doomed anyway, right? But maybe, just maybe, there's a way out. We should really think about getting a new leader...

Stop Me If You Think You've Heard this One Before


Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now

[You'll notice that many of these songs come from the band's last album, Strangeways Here We Come. Which seems appropriate since Labour's band is on the point of collapsing, to be followed by years of bitter recrimination and doomed dreams that the boys can get back together some day and make everything good and happy and just like the early days...]

Written byAlex Massie

Alex Massie is Scotland Editor of The Spectator. He also writes a column for The Times and is a regular contributor to the Scottish Daily Mail, The Scotsman and other publications.

Topics in this articlePoliticslabour party