Diana Hendry

How I rank my friends

And the secrets of affection and attraction

  • From Spectator Life
Madame Monet and a friend in the garden by Claude Monet (Getty)

I like to think of myself as good at making friends. I tend to rank them. There are kindred spirits (rare), very good friends (perhaps five at the most), and good (ten or more). Friendships, like plants, need looking after; they require time and attention. One rank below friends are acquaintances. Acquaintances add warmth and comfort to life but are not essential. You can abandon an acquaintance without much compunction. But good friends nurture the heart and soul and are therefore vital. Kindred spirits? By them you know you’re not alone, not mad, not a terrible person and, amazingly, that you’re loved.

I think back to childhood when the need for a best friend was absolutely paramount.

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