The brilliant but troubled footballer Mario Balotelli once scored a goal in a Manchester derby match and then lifted up his jersey to reveal a t-shirt with the slogan: ‘Why always me?’ Those who had followed his chaotic career closely could have told him that being the sort of bloke who allows fireworks to be let off in his own bathroom — as he had done the night before, starting a fire that caused £400,000 worth of damage to his house — probably had something to do with it.

How long until we tire of Boris?

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