How to avoid paying London’s Ulez charge

It’s getting hard to escape low emission zones. In Birmingham, Oxford and Bristol – and pretty soon the whole of London – unless your vehicle is squeaky clean, you are going to have to pay every day that you drive. London–based readers probably know by now of Transport for London’s plans to expand its £12.50-a-day Ultra Low Emission Zone (Ulez) to every single borough, from Hayes to Hornchurch, Cheshunt to Caterham, and with a sticky-out bit which I think has been deliberately designed to include Chessington World of Adventures.

For many, this is an outrage. The Conservative MP for Carshalton and Wallington, Elliot Colburn, has described himself as ‘very, very angry’, calling the expansion a ‘disgusting move’. Those who are not angry are the families of the estimated 9,400 people who die prematurely each year from London’s air pollution. So this is an emotive subject.

I smoke, which places me in my own personal Ultra High Emission Zone, so I have no business lecturing anyone about air quality. Suffice to say that there is some debate as to the positive effect the expansion will have, given that TfL has admitted that there has been no noticeable drop in roadside pollution since Ulez was expanded to the North and South Circulars last year.

I am sympathetic to both sides of the argument, but I have to admit I am coming from an ‘I’m All Right, Jack’ position because I have not owned a car since 2007. I got burned by mistakenly straying into the Congestion Charge Zone too many times – despite the signage, it’s surprisingly easy to do – and then moved to Marylebone, where parking fees alone are more expensive, pro rata, than Eton, or that’s what it felt like.

But I pity the poor soul who can’t afford a clean or electric vehicle, and who lives in some benighted suburb of London where there is no Tube station, or the buses are infrequent, nonexistent, or don’t go anywhere you want. Simply driving to a train, Overground or Underground station so you can hop on and go to work? £12.50, mate.

I had a close look at the TfL website and discovered a rather elegant loophole: the exemption for historic vehicles. Not only is any vehicle over 40 years old exempt from road tax but it is also exempt from the new low emission zone charges too, wherever they exist. I had to look at this for a few minutes before I finally accepted the evidence of my own eyes. I dimly remembered the Historic Vehicle thing because I once owned a Moto Guzzi motorcycle, ancient enough to be on the verge of qualifying for this exemption. It had to use leaded petrol, too, and the only place you could get that was at the garage opposite the Bristol showroom in Olympia, which was handy as it wasn’t too far from my home. I didn’t feel too bad about using leaded petrol as most of the time the Guzzi was off-road, being repaired for the things that ailed it. I got to know the owner of the repair shop so well that we would send each other Christmas cards.

But it always struck me as an example of our dotty affection for vintage cars that we allowed the most polluting and indeed dangerous (no airbags, no ABS) vehicles to be exempt from the very laws designed to curb their effects. I wholeheartedly welcome it, of course. I propose that readers of this magazine would not be unsympathetic to the idea of cities filled with exquisite E-Type Jaguars, suave Daimlers, or even Minis of the proper size and shape. My mother’s had a push-button start on the floor, near the gear shift. Beat that.

The 40-year rule is a rolling one, as you’d expect. This means that the list of potentially charge-free cars expands every year. There is a risk, of course, that there may well be an increase in the number of ghastly old bangers from British Leyland clanking around the streets. The heart swells on seeing a DB5 in the streets; not so much on seeing a Morris Marina. The only hope, and it is not a wild one, is that most of these excrescences will have long since fallen to bits.

So let us say that you have chosen a vintage car or bike with some pleasing aesthetic value. You will drive it carefully, for repairing any shunts will cost a fortune. You will have to sort out the whole unleaded petrol thing somehow, but there are always ways and means. Other exemptions include agricultural vehicles, cranes and military vehicles but these are impractical for the every-day user, unless you happen to be a crane driver or a farmer or in the army. The more adventurous among you can go even further back in time and buy a car from the dawn of the age of motoring and dress up like Mr Toad when popping down to the shops. London will become like Cuba, with ancient cars lovingly tended by generations of savvy mechanics. Maybe even Chessington World of Adventures will revert to its proper name of old, Chessington Zoo. The whole city will be a joy to behold. Poop! Poop!