How to conquer America

Teenagers, in my experience, divide into the unmotivated and the motivated sort. You can spot the symptoms: given a free day, the unmotivated one will go out to buy a new phone charger, while the motivated one will go on an advanced sailing course. If you’re the unmotivated sort, read no further. This piece is not for you. You have as little chance of getting a place at an American university as my lazy dog does of winning Crufts.

And when I say motivated, forget the Oxbridge level of motivation. Doing well in A-levels, filling in a Ucas form, managing to cook up a personal statement claiming to be passionate about your subject, going for a couple of tricky interviews; that’s an absolute doddle, an M&S picnic, compared with the kind of motivation you need to have to get into a US university.

For that, you need the dazzling all-round brain power of Leonardo da Vinci combined with the passion of Emmeline Pankhurst and the single-minded organisational skills of Judy Murray. Oh, and it helps to have the spending power of Elton John, because going to an America college for four years will set your parents back at least $300,000, unless you’re lucky enough to get a scholarship — and those are hard to come by if you’re not a rowing prodigy.

You’ll need to start young: Lisa Montgomery, chairman of Edvice, which provides guidance to those applying to US universities, tells me that she recommends starting to work with students at 14 or 15 in their pre-GCSE year. ‘I like them to think about how they’re going to be spending their summers,’ she says.

‘They should be doing something to enhance their extra-curricular or academic profile. My guideline is that you should spend approximately 50 per cent of your summer in support of something you care about.