Rod Liddle Rod Liddle

If the slebs think the tabloids are bad, let them deal with the people who read them

Well, knock me down with a Ferrari, who’d have thought it? Jemima Khan and Jeremy Clarkson! The fragrant, pouting Mima — epitome of well-bred, bankrolled, metro liberal hand-wringing faux angst — getting it on with the dishevelled reactionary so far to the right-of-centre-he’s-almost-in-the-median-strip petrolhead Jeremy.

Well, knock me down with a Ferrari, who’d have thought it? Jemima Khan and Jeremy Clarkson! The fragrant, pouting Mima — epitome of well-bred, bankrolled, metro liberal hand-wringing faux angst — getting it on with the dishevelled reactionary so far to the right-of-centre-he’s-almost-in-the-median-strip petrolhead Jeremy.

Well, knock me down with a Ferrari, who’d have thought it? Jemima Khan and Jeremy Clarkson! The fragrant, pouting Mima — epitome of well-bred, bankrolled, metro liberal hand-wringing faux angst — getting it on with the dishevelled reactionary so far to the right-of-centre-he’s-almost-in-the-median-strip petrolhead Jeremy. It’s like finding out that Harriet Harman has been secretly knocking off Jim Davidson behind our backs. Or Shami Chakrabati and Hitler. Well, OK, I overstate the case with that last one. And it is true that Jezza (Repton School), is not quite as distant, socially, from Jemima as are many of the rest of us, although it is a marginal thing. I mean, he still comes from Doncaster. I very much doubt that Jemima visits Doncaster too often. It’s even worse than Islamabad, and she got out of there pretty sharpish.

Of course, the reason we know about the affair between Jemima and Jeremy is that it didn’t happen. We are in the spooky, paradoxical universe of slebdom and super-injunctions. If Jemima and Jeremy really had been involved in an affair, we wouldn’t know about it. But because they definitely have not had an affair, we do — just as we now know that the affable jug-eared BBC journalist Andrew Marr isn’t the father of a child with some woman he’d had an affair with years ago. If he had been the father, my guess is we still wouldn’t know about it. Mr Justice Eady’s super-injunctions, then, are the gift that keeps on giving; in a sense, you are not a proper sleb without one.

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