As the leader of the Labour party, Jeremy Corbyn is a busy man these days. So busy in fact that he was unable to attend last week’s Scottish Labour conference. Happily, Corbyn did manage to find time, however, to attend last night’s British Kebab Awards.
Politicians, kebab shop owners and meat-lovers alike gathered in the Westminster Plaza hotel for the annual awards which celebrate the best of the British kebab industry. While David Cameron was unable to make the Just Eat event — instead opting to send a message of support, Corbyn managed to make history. As his Labour comrade Keith Vaz — who is classed as ‘core group negative’ in the leaked Corbynista list of Labour MPs — explained, Corbyn is the first leader of a major political party to attend:
‘I think it’s great that for the first time ever we have a leader of a political party here — Jeremy Corbyn — and I checked very carefully, I am in the right group.’
The event may also be the first pro-EU event Corbyn has attended. Although the Labour leader has refrained from getting too involved in the campaign so far, he was sat at the top table as the event’s organiser Ibrahim Dogus — founder of the centre for Turkey Studies — urged those in the kebab industry to campaign for Britain to stay in the EU.
It then fell on Corbyn to present the Outstanding Contribution to the British Kebab Industry award. He was quick to address the elephant in the room by pointing out that he doesn’t eat meat, before attempting to engage in some falafel-based banter with the crowd:
‘Thank you so much for inviting me here this evening. As a vegetarian, I hope I’m still welcome. I’m always very keen when I get to a good kebab shop, to enjoy a good falafel. Hands up those kebab shops that don’t sell falafel… and, how many do?’
A number of kebab-sellers then confirmed that they did indeed sell falafel. Corbyn then moved on to another important matter — healthy eating in the community:
‘Kebab shops bring people together they are a place of great discourse and discussion and particularly a place for young people to go to. And henceforth we will know Keith Vaz as the sugar man because of his great campaign to try and do something about the high intake of sugar in our society.
So what I’d like people to do when they take a kebab, is also take a salad with it as that helps to give them the balanced diet that everybody needs.’
With the salad pledge met with a lukewarm response by the crowd, Corbyn appeared dejected. ‘I’m not sure whether that’s a sugar-filled cheer or a cheer of frustration,’ he mused. He picked himself up though and gave a tribute to the victims of the terrorist attacks in Brussels and Ankara:
‘We want to live in a world of peace, we want to live in a world of justice, we want to live in a world of respect. Respect for all faiths, and respect for those who don’t follow faiths.’
The former SNP MP Natalie McGarry was also present at the bash. While presenting an award, she said it was particularly special for her to be there as she had recently visited Turkey. McGarry failed, however, to mention that she had been arrested and questioned by Turkish Forces on a recent trip there.
With the awards out of the way, Mr S thought it was time to ask the important question: how much spice can today’s politicians take?
Vaz told Mr S that he had to have his standard order of lamb doner hot but not spicy as he suffers from a hiatus hernia. Corbyn on the other hand shuns chilli full stop in favour of garlic. ‘I don’t have my falafel spicy but I do take a good amount of garlic sauce,’ the Labour leader told Steerpike. ‘It’s good for the heart too.’
There we have it, definitive proof that Labour can’t handle the heat.
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