Flunked it again, unfortunately. Kemi Badenoch chose poor tactics at PMQs. She made flabby speeches instead of hitting the PM with short, sharp questions.
She led on immigration – one of the Tories’ weakest topics. Sir Keir Starmer immediately mentioned the ‘open border’ policies that allowed nearly a million migrants to arrive in a single year. Kemi got specific. She said Sir Keir had opposed deportations for foreign-born criminals. One of these convicts went on to commit homicide.
‘He was able to stay here and murder because people like this man campaigned against deporting criminals. Will he apologise for signing these letters?’
A tough question but Sir Keir pulled off a sneaky shimmy. He blamed the Tories.
‘The particular example she puts to me is an example of failure under her government,’ he said.
Kemi delved deeper into Sir Keir’s past. She quoted his support for Jeremy Corbyn, his legal moves to protect the benefits paid to migrants, and his opposition to the Rwanda scheme. All very longwinded. And perfectly suited to Sir Keir who loves autobiography. It’s his favourite subject. Sure enough he flanneled away about his glory days prosecuting criminals which has nothing to do with Labour policy. Kemi let him get away with it. She asked another specific question about the Rwanda plan.
‘How much more will his government spend on hotel accommodation since he scrapped the deterrent?’
Sir Keir ducked this with more low-grade guff. He spoke about his brilliant ruses to stop the boats. A deal with Iraq. A deal with Germany. Oodles of cash for the Border Security Force. ‘We smashed the gangs,’ he cried. And he accused Kemi of bad preparation.
‘She should spend more time researching than on her terrible jokes.’
Over to Kemi. What is the sum wasted by Labour on migrant hotels since the Rwanda plan was scrapped? Everyone wanted to know. But Kemi wouldn’t say. She let it slide. She had an ace up her sleeve but she didn’t lay it on the table and claim the trick. Crazy tactics.
‘All he’s smashed is his reputation,’ she said lamely, thus confirming Sir Keir’s view that she wastes her time on lousy gags.
Sir Ed Davey, Surbiton’s special envoy to Syria, gave us a summary of the situation on the ground. (Has Sir Ed toured the battlefield recently? Perhaps not. But he’s been on the internet which is nearly the same thing.) His opening statement was a masterpiece of diplomatic concision.
‘Only an open political process can bring peace,’ he announced. ‘And this requires the full backing of the international community.’ Wise words. Syria will more sleep easily tonight.
However the route to peace is threatened by American isolationism. With a tremor in his voice – a tremor that will be heard not only in Surbiton but in Damascus as well – Sir Ed quoted President-elect Trump. ‘The United States should have nothing to do with it,’ said the future leader of the free world. This sort of short-term pacifism may wreck Sir Ed’s hopes for a peace plan led by the Lib Dems. He hinted at a tri-lateral meeting between himself, Sir Keir and Donald Trump to straighten America out.
‘If the Americans walk away,’ he said, ‘will [Sir Keir] step up to provide British leadership over Syria?’
Sir Keir didn’t quite promise the summit meeting that Sir Ed wants. In fact, he sounded rather vague about pacifying the Middle East from the floor of the Commons. ‘We are speaking intensely with our allies in the region,’ he said which suggests that Sir Ed will not play a major role in the talks. And it seems that Surbiton has very little influence over the eastern Mediterranean. But Sir Ed was not about to take this snub lying down. He made a final bid to win a place at the negotiating table.
‘I hope we can continue to work on a cross-party basis to secure peace in the Middle East,’ he said.
His fellow Lib Dem, Joshua Reynolds, raised a potentially devastating issue. A hospice in his constituency is struggling financially thanks to the National Insurance hikes imposed by Rachel Reeves in her black-hole budget. Two plucky oarsmen, Ben and Henry, are rowing across the Atlantic to raise the £50,000 needed to subsidise Labour’s wasteful greed.
Asked to comment, Sir Keir merely wished Ben and Henry the best of luck. Think about that. Volunteers are risking their lives to fix his incompetence and all he offers them is a smile and a wave. He’s unembarrassable.
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