Lady Hussey and the truth we dare not speak

Though it was sensible for Lady Susan Hussey to resign, I do find the chorus of disapproval that has greeted her unpleasant. Reading a transcript of her exchange with Ngozi Fulani of Sistah Space I feel rather sorry for both of them – the only word springing to mind being ‘misunderstanding’. Such different backgrounds; generations so far apart; these misunderstandings can easily occur. At a Buckingham Palace reception where Ms Fulani may have felt nervous and awkward (as would I) it’s altogether possible she did think Lady Hussey’s asking where she came from was meant rudely. But I think it was not. And if not, shouldn’t the incident just be put down to clumsiness?

That last question is genuine because some do think that, regardless of motive, the very act of asking someone like Ms Fulani about their origins is rude. The question should simply not be asked. It is this and not the Palace encounter that I want to write about. We seem to be getting into an awful muddle.

There can be no doubt we do sometimes feel curious about where someone comes from. We don’t necessarily mean where they were born; Boris Johnson was born in New York but nobody would say he ‘comes from’ America because his family don’t. We often mean where someone’s forebears came from, even if they themselves were born in Britain. It’s fair to say it’s not rude to ask where someone comes from when the most likely answer would name a town, county or even nation within the United Kingdom.

Then how about abroad? Accents interest me and if someone’s accent is foreign I’ll often ask where they’re from, prefacing my question with a reference to their accent. Nobody, so far, has ever taken offence.