Lucy Vickery

Let’s twist

In Competition No. 2977 you were invited to submit a Christmas carol with a topical twist.

‘In the bleak midwinter’ just about captures the general tenor of the entry, although George Simmers injected a lighter note with his invitation to ‘Deck Ed Balls with boughs of holly…’ and W.J. Webster, too, was looking on the relatively bright side: ‘God rest ye merry, gentlemen,/ Let nothing you dismay;/ The world is not on course to end/ That January day…’

Commendations go to Albert Black, Gordan Macintyre, Paul Carpenter, Tracy Davidson and Ian White.The winners, printed below, take £25 each. And the festive fiver is Martin Parker’s.
Merry Christmas, one and all — I look forward to being impressed and amused by your entries over the year to come.

We the three chief Brexiteers are
Charged by May to follow a star,
Little knowing where we’re going,
Or when or quite how or how far.
Oh, oh! Great our cause and its reward.
Britain’s national pride restored.
Remoaners’ goolies served as coulis,
And each of us soon made a Lord.
Negotiations? Simply a breeze!
EU nabobs beg on their knees.
Then, each evening, Bolly at Chevening —
If Boris still has the keys.
Oh, oh! Twenty-nineteen is the date
When, we can confidently state,
Our gift to Her will make her purr —
Herr Juncker’s head upon a plate!
Martin Parker
While Klansmen cleaned their guns by night,
All full of booze and dope,
A hero with mad hair appeared
And promised them new hope.
An orange future was his vow,
A losers’ dream come true,
Where every day was Christmas Day
And years were always new.
They shared his vision of a wall,
His pussy-grabbing zeal.
A man like them, a manly man,
How proud he made them feel.
His Christmas message spread the fear,
The loathing and the scorn.

Already a subscriber? Log in

Keep reading with a free trial

Subscribe and get your first month of online and app access for free. After that it’s just £1 a week.

There’s no commitment, you can cancel any time.


Unlock more articles



Don't miss out

Join the conversation with other Spectator readers. Subscribe to leave a comment.

Already a subscriber? Log in