Jeremy Clarke Jeremy Clarke

Low life | 11 August 2012

I was staying on Dartmoor at an old farmstead in an overgrown meadow next to a fast-flowing river. We built a fire by the river and sat around it on kitchen chairs drinking and talking. There was no phone signal, no radio, no internet, no telly, nothing. We didn’t even have music. For two days and nights we heard only the sound of rushing water and sometimes wind in the trees. Wonderful it was to leave the tyrant iPhone on a windowsill to gather pollen and a cat’s dusty paw print. I was so relaxed by the end I was horizontal.

On the third day, a Saturday, I’d promised to lend a hand at our village fête by doing a stint behind the bar. The organisers had said I should be there in the festive field for 12.30.  But at 12.30 I was still sitting around the fire, a gin-and-tonic tray was circulating, and for some reason they tasted particularly wonderful that morning. They’ll have plenty of help on hand at the fête, surely, was the cheerful consensus of opinion around the fire. ‘Stay!’ ‘Have another!’ ‘Cheerioh!’ ‘The Queen!’

I stayed for one more, then another. Then my conscience got the better of me and I plucked my phone off the windowsill, tottered out to the car, and drove off the moor and down to my village at the coast.  

After descending for eight miles my phone started pinging messages as I came back within range of the network signal. Steering the car with one thumb, I had a quick scroll through. One was from the police. This woman I’d met online and had known briefly had reported me as a missing person. She was extremely anxious about me, it said, and would I please contact them right away.

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