Lucky dip for lovers

First published in 1857, The Ladies’ Oracle dates from a period when very little literature of real merit was widely considered appropriate reading material for respectable young women, with the consequence that the presses fairly overran with little books designed to fill, rather than enrich, their idle moments — lest the Devil had plans for them — and otherwise kill the precious hours they had before serving their time as wives. Many of these handy volumes were promoted as instructive or edifying; others had less serious intentions and one suspects that many a hopeful maiden would have hastily shoved her copy of the Oracle into her needlework basket on hearing the approach of mater, pater, governess or nurse.

To use The Ladies’ Oracle one has first to select a question from a comprehensive list (‘The one that I love, what does he really think of me?’; ‘What must I do to prevent their discovering what I wish to conceal?’; ‘Shall I die maid, wife, or widow?’) and then, with eyes closed, place a finger on one of 16 symbols. By marrying the number of your question with the symbol you have selected, you are sent to another page to discover your answer.

The results, I have found, in stringent laboratory-style conditions, are infallibly correct. I am to have four husbands. I am thought pretty because I am. The world thinks me happier than I really am. (It was most gratifying to learn that the world thought my friend better than she really was.) My 84-year-old mother-in-law is to have many lovers. (Since she has just moved in with us it is mightily convenient to have been thus forewarned. I have cancelled the single adjustomatic bed and ordered a durable double in its stead.