Tom Utley

Madonna of the Pseuds

Tom Utley was suddenly conscious that he admired neither the work of Leonardo nor many other acknowledged masterpieces

Leonardo’s ‘Madonna of the Yarnwinder’, stolen the other day from the Duke of Buccleuch, is the painting that changed my view of civilisation. I know it quite well, because one of my sisters-in-law used to live just up the road from Drumlanrig Castle in Dumfriesshire, where it hung until it was pinched. Whenever I stayed with her and wanted to escape from the children, I would slope off to the castle to take the guided tour. There was no danger that my sons or nephews would want to come with me, because at that age they would almost rather have had an extra maths lesson than traipse around a stately home, looking at pictures.

My life-changing moment came on about my third visit to the castle, when I was standing in a little group of tourists in the Staircase Hall. We had reached the Leonardo and the guide was saying, for what must have been the 50th time that week, ‘His Grace has given instructions that, in the event of a fire, the Madonna should be rescued first, and he himself should be left to burn.’

As we looked at the picture, everyone in our group, including me, put on a suitably sensitive smile. The middle-aged Scottish woman standing next to me uttered a little gasp and said, ‘Isn’t it fabulous?’ I nodded assent. We were art-lovers, after all, and here we were, standing before a masterpiece attributed to one of the greatest painters of all time.

Then it suddenly struck me. Hang on, I thought. I’m only pretending to like this picture. I don’t really like it at all. If I had seen it in the alfresco art market in the Bayswater Road on a Sunday afternoon, I would not have given it a second glance.

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