My failed attempts to be a good Samaritan

I’ve been trying to be a good Samaritan for some time now and failing. But this week I discovered that even well-trained, experienced good Samaritans — who work for the Samaritans — can fail too. Reports have surfaced revealing the ‘abuse’ of vulnerable callers by a small number of the charity’s phone volunteers.

It’s a sad state of affairs when even the Samaritans are subject to scandal. They do excellent work and have always been the Eton of Britain’s volunteer sector. Two years ago, I tried to get in and failed, which was a bit of a shock. I’d assumed that my listening skills would make me the ideal volunteer. I was, however, politely informed that their waiting list was so long I’d have to wait before I could get on their waiting list. I’m still waiting.

All in all, being a good Samaritan in modern Britain is not as easy as you’d think. I always imagined that with a big heart, time and energy you could work for the charity of your choice. I soon discovered that unless you have a car, speak a foreign language, are good with computers, can teach immigrants English, speak fluent LGBT and are sensitive to racial bias and gender inequalities, you’re unqualified for a lot of high-calibre charity work. In fact, you’ll be lucky to get a gig in the back room of your local high-street charity shop.

My first attempt was with Age UK. I was good at my interview and shone at my group induction class — or so I believed until I got a letter of rejection. More rejection letters followed from more charities. The usual explanation was that there were too many applicants already, or that my set of skills — ‘listening, empathy and funny one-liners’ — were not suitable for them.