My prescription for surviving the winter

Winter is finally upon us and I’m relying on my usual array of tablets and powders to ward off seasonal viruses. Caroline and the children constantly ridicule me, saying I’ve been taken for a fool by snake-oil salesmen, but I tell myself these concoctions are responsible for my robust good health. I’ve tested positive for Covid twice and usually get two or three colds a year. But I haven’t taken a day off due to illness since 1987.

My basic daily intake consists of a multi-vitamin tablet, 1,000iu of vitamin E, 1,000µg of vitamin B12 and 4,000iu of vitamin D3, all washed down with 1,000mg of vitamin C. Since developing tennis elbow – I don’t play tennis, so God knows how – I’ve added a turmeric tablet to strengthen my joints and because I love the spicy taste I now include a ginger shot, which supposedly boosts your immune system. I usually finish off with some psyllium husk powder.

‘Have you ever calculated how much all this rubbish costs?’ asked Caroline this week. ‘If you stopped taking your quote unquote medicine we could probably afford a house in the country.’

I don’t think that’s quite true, but this daily regimen certainly isn’t cheap. The vitamin E, for instance, costs £18.99 for 100 capsules. And unbeknownst to Caroline, I sometimes take everything twice. I find myself unable to remember whether I’ve swallowed my pills or not so I take them all again just to be sure. I know when I’ve double-dosed because my urine turns bright orange. It won’t be long before I’m reduced to a plastic pill box with separate compartments for each day of the week.

Needless to say, when it comes to the potions and lotions favoured by the rest of the family, my natural scepticism returns.