My sympathies are with the Meedhuffushi One

It is time we started a campaign to free the Meedhuffushi One, a victim of government persecution. Hussein Didi was arrested and faces prosecution for the crime of having officiated at a hotel ‘wedding’ ceremony on the tiny island of Meedhuffushi in the Maldives. You may have read about his unorthodox benediction to the Swiss couple who paid £830 to have their right to fornicate endorsed fraudulently while they sipped cocktails out of a coconut shell in the middle of the Indian Ocean. Or you may have watched the video online.

Either way, it is worth reacquainting ourselves with some of the details, especially those not reported in the press. Holding the hands of the Swiss pair, Didi told them in his native language of Dhivehi — which of course they did not understand — that they were pork-eating infidel swine whose children would therefore be bastard swine and furthermore marked with ugly spots and blemishes. The wedding was, Didi continued, entirely without legal force, adding the description — rarely used in wedding ceremonies, except maybe on occasion by the bride’s father — motherfucker. He then, in impressive rhetorical style, advised the couple on what precautions they should take if they intended to enjoy sexual intercourse with chickens. Check the chicken’s hindquarters for possible sores, Didi suggested, before he observed that, one way or another, the man in question would witness large worms emanating from the tip of his penis, whether chickens were involved or not.

I now illegally pronounce you man and wife, he concluded, beaming, while the Swiss couple sipped sheepishly away at their Sex on the Beach or Slow Screw against the Wall or whatever effete concoction had been provided by the hotel, the Vilu Reef Beach and Spa.