No hero

The hysteria over Tiger Woods is simply wonderful. Compared with Bill Clinton’s tarts, Tiger’s are of slightly better quality, which is not saying much. The prettiest of the lot, Rachel Uchitel, is something else. This is hard for me to admit, but she was at school with my daughter and I had actually noticed her and had said something to my little girl about her. (‘Daddy, stop it.’) Rachel’s best friend was also an operator, a girl by the name of Soshana Lonstein, who managed to land a multimillionaire once she graduated from Nightingale-Bamford, a top girls’ school in the Bagel. While attending school, Soshana was stepping out with a frightful man called Jerry Seinfeld, of TV fame, not the type any self-respecting father would like to see his daughter bring home. In fact, I remember asking the mother of my children whether she planned to turn our daughter into a pole dancer or something. ‘All her friends in that ghastly school look and dress like hookers.’ (Lolly was at L’Aiglon, a wonderful Swiss boarding school, but came back because she was homesick.)

Well, the papers are calling Rachel a socialite, which yet again goes to show how much they know. Uchitel’s grandfather was a sleazy nightclub-owner whom I knew ever so slightly, and her old man overdosed and died a few years ago. Not exactly top-drawer stuff, but better than Miss Chelsea Clinton’s future father-in-law, Ed Mezvinsky, who has just served seven years in a federal lock-up for bank and wire fraud. (Mezvinsky did seven, Jeffrey Epstein did two. I wonder which Clinton buddy is next?) The New York Times failed to report this because it doesn’t fit its agenda, but just imagine if Jenna Bush had become engaged to the son of a crook…

Mind you, people are expressing surprise at Tiger’s antics.