Rod Liddle Rod Liddle

On England versus Scotland

(Photo: Getty)

I found this shaggy dog story on the MillwallOnline site, posted by a mate called Life With The Lions.

‘It is just before the start of the Scotland vs England game, at Wembley stadium, in the Euro Championships 2020. Harry Kane goes into the England dressing room to find all his teammates looking a bit glum. “What’s up?” he asks Raheem Sterling. Sterling replies, “Well, we’re having trouble getting motivated for this game. We know it’s important but it’s only Scotland. They’re rubbish and we can’t be arsed.” Kane addresses his fellow teammates. “Well, I reckon I can beat these Jocks, all on my loansome. Why don’t you lads go to the pub and enjoy yourselves?” “If you’re sure, Harry?” asks a surprised Phil Foden. Kane nods his head and the rest of the England players head off to the pub. Kane leaves the dressing room and walks out onto the green Wembley turf, where the Scotland team are already waiting. To a man, the Scots players are both amused but worried that Kane is all by himself. The ref blows his whistle and the game begins! At the pub, the England players are already downing their first jars, when Sterling says, “I wonder how Harry is doing?” He gets up and goes over to the landlord, exchanges a few words with him, and the landlord turns on the pub’s radio. He adjusts it to BBC Radio 5 Live, in time to hear the commentator say, “And for those of you just tuning in, Harry Kane put England 1 nil up in the 10th minute!” A big cheer goes up in the pub, as all the patrons celebrate England taking the lead. The England players order another round of drinks, and these are followed by another round, and then another, until the game is forgotten! Then, suddenly, Jordan Pickford looks at his watch and says, “Bloody hell, the game finished ten minutes ago!” He shouts out to the landlord who is behind the bar.

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