Any parent would want to see a school before sending their child there, says Hilaire Gomer – but not everyone makes the most of their visits
Prospective parents have to visit the schools to which they’re interested in sending their offspring. Now this is fine if it’s just one or two and they’re not too far away, but more is a chore. A tip is to kick off with school web sites: you won’t need a satnav.
When it comes to open days, there are three types of prospective parents. The first group are those who know the school already, having gone there themselves 25 years earlier. These go round quickly, exclaiming about how much nicer the changing rooms are these days. (Though one yummy mummy I spoke to claimed déjà-vu as her excuse for not trooping round Eton, on the grounds that her spouse and her three brothers had all been there.)
Most of the open day crowd belongs to the second group: novices who are well dressed and very thorough, asking every conceivable question. Finally, there is a small group who behave as if they are visiting a show home. There was the case of the man who came to three open-day luncheons at the same school without ever registering his daughter. Usually this group want to see what’s on offer, then they visit comprehensives, to compare and contrast.
One mum said she had ‘done’ ten schools and reported of her most recent open day: ‘It was civilised. A group of us had coffee with the head, who sounded positive about academia, and then a Year 8 took over who continued the reassurance thanks to complete confidence, speaking the King’s English without a stammer, and looking tidy.’ Asking questions of Year 8s about school life can be more revealing than talking to teachers.
All agree that meeting the head is a must, though some set considerable store by what the housemaster or housemistress is like; they are the ones who have an inkling about what goes on after lights out.
One house husband was handed the open day assignment by his high-powered wife (her contribution would be the fees). He said, ‘I found visiting several schools useful because you build up a feel for repressive/liberal regimes. You ask: is this school better appointed than our house? Would my child want to come home?’
Ideally, parents are looking for staff who show round-the-clock dedication. Once some American prospective parents, who were unable to visit Hill House, the big central London private day school, rang at 3 a.m. Such was the commitment of ‘The Colonel’, who ran the place for decades, that he didn’t lose any cool on picking up the phone.
Here is a list of questions to ask: don’t be put off by the blank ‘not invented here’ look. The skill is to separate the feelgood filmflam from the cold light of what actually goes on daily. Try closed questions that staff can’t weasel out of: questions about sex (relevant both at single-sex and co-ed schools), drugs (perennial hot topic), bullying (ditto), anorexia, dyslexia, cigarettes, unhappiness, self-harm and, er, the library.
Mary James, a former head of St Leonard’s, in St Andrews, says, ‘I always said to parents that I had zero tolerance on drugs. None of these suspensions — the perpetrator was sacked immediately. I found parents asked about bullying, and that was always hard to deal with.’
Look out for a charismatic teacher or two. But beware the PE teacher who holds forth in managementese and, like a politician, avoids the question. Always ask about games, especially if your child isn’t into them. Inquiring about school finances is important — no parent wants a school to fold: ‘I understand there were funding problems building the interactive theatre/fives courts/ICT suite?’
Trouble is, British private schools are designed to appeal. The grass looks as good as Astroturf and white paintbrushes have been touching up the walls all week. They are not Oxbridge but many feel like a miniature version. Everyone is on their best behaviour and it’s hard to spot gaffes.
Wonderfully, some schools do go over the top with open day — it’s like watching ballet dancers fall over. Take the big-name boarding school that had an orchestra amassed in a huge white tent. The rumour quickly went round that it was partly laid on to impress a visiting Hollywood film star and children. ‘It felt like a wedding,’ said one bewildered parent.
School buildings and ‘facilities’ are now impressive, like a first-class hotel. Don’t ask why, they will only say they must keep up with ‘the competition’. Gone, mercifully, is the ascetic dorm without a teddy bear in sight, but The Good Schools Guide strongly advises that every parent should visit the lavatories…
One school helpfully put clear signs around the campus, pointing to the art/music/dance displays, women’s lavatories, the gerbil centre, and the way out.
It isn’t easy to work out from open day whether your precious darling will be happy at the place. If you (and he/she) are sufficiently impressed you will have to visit again and see the school emptier and duller. One 11-year-old was definitely on the case when she turned down a scholarship to one school and chose a no-deal alternative because she liked its atmosphere. Poor parents.
But take heart — a proper open day always provides huge quantities of little cakes for the flagging punter, not to mention lashings of builder’s tea.
Hilaire Gomer is co-author of The Good Nanny Guide. The Good Schools Guide offers reviews of UK schools and open day dates online
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