Playground bullies and the contradiction at the heart of democracy

A new book by a Swedish psychiatrist has just come out that I like the sound of. It’s called How Children Took Power and argues that the child-centred approach to parenting that’s been popular in Scandinavia since the 1960s has created a nation of ouppfostrade, which roughly translates as ‘bad children’.

Dr David Eberhard, a 42-year-old father of six, says a lack of discipline during childhood has left millions of Swedes unable to cope with the challenges of adult life. By way of evidence, he cites the above-average number of anxiety disorders and higher suicide rate among children raised by liberal parents. ‘Saying ‘no’ to a child is not the same as beating a child,’ says Dr Eberhard. ‘Parents should act like parents, not best friends. They should prepare their kids for adult life by teaching them how to behave, not treat them like princes or princesses.’

It’s not just parents who are at fault. Dr Eberhard points out that the same permissive philosophy has spread to Swedish schools, robbing teachers of any authority. He says that Swedish schoolteachers cannot insist that children stop playing on their mobile phones in lessons. Instead, they’re expected to reason with them — persuade them that it’s a bad idea. If they try and take a pupil’s phone without his or her consent, they’re likely to get a lecture about children’s rights.

Sweden’s schools don’t sound that different from ours and Dr Eberhard’s observations clearly apply to plenty of British parents as well. I often joke about how my household is a matriarchal dictatorship, with Caroline calling the shots, but the truth is neither of us have much authority over our children. When we tell our ten-year-old daughter that she can’t do something — stay up till midnight, for instance — she doesn’t throw a wobbler.