Lloyd Evans Lloyd Evans

PMQs sketch: In which Cameron both chooses and answers the questions.

Whoosh! Crasshh! Ploophm! Crummppp! The personal attacks came pounding in on David Cameron today. Ed Miliband asked about declining living standards and set about portraying the prime minister as an out-of-touch toff surrounded by plutocratic parasites. He cited the recent Tory Winter Ball where a signed mug-shot of Mr Cameron had been auctioned for the Warhol-esque sum of £100,000.

‘Then the prime minister declared, without a hint of irony, that the Tories are no longer the party of privilege.’

Cameron ignored the issue of living standards and told Miliband he’d raised the wrong topic.

‘If his question is – have you had to take difficult decisions to deal with the deficit, reform welfare and clean up the banks? Then yes, you bet.’

Interesting. The PM gets to choose the questions and the answers. It wouldn’t work in court. ‘Did you murder your wife?’ ‘No, I’ve never scrumped an apple.’

Cameron pulled the same trick when Stephen Pound asked if he stood to benefit personally from the millionaires’ tax-cut in April. The PM replied by acquitting himself of defrauding the Revenue.

‘I will pay all the taxes that are due in the proper way.’

Not a great answer. Could do with more disguised spin. Glasgow MP, Anas Sarwar, had written such a good gag that he forgot to attach it to political point. Referring to the Findus scare, he said, ‘Many of the prime minister’s answers, if tested, may contain 100 per cent bull.’

Cameron giggled. ‘Best to get a grip of the issue and not just make jokes.’

Up rose the towering figure of Tristram Hunt with his suspicious eyes and handsome, disdainful face. Because Hunt is blessed with an exceptionally generous physique, the milk of human kindness has never reached every part of his body.

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