Andy Murray’s joy is now complete. Yes, he won Wimbledon and all that, but his crowning glory came today when he was mentioned at the start of PMQs. Cameron apparently has no idea how goofy and devious he looked last Sunday when he half-opened the door of Downing Street and stepped out to greet Murray with a shifty smirk plastered across his face. In the House, he declared that the first British victory at Wimbledon in 77 years was a historic event.
Ed Miliband agreed but appended the triumph of Virginia Wade in 1977 to Cameron’s tribute. This was greeted by a Labour cheer so loud that it registered at ‘by-election triumph’ level. Why were they so chuffed? Because Ed had reminded the world that Labour accepts women as part of humanity whereas the evil Conservatives still reject this notion as faintly absurd.
That Miliband felt it worth scoring this point says everything about today’s session. It was so insubstantial it evoked Euclid’s definition of a line: a breadthless length.
Miliband was keen to reject Tory claims that he’s become the trade unions’ Baldrick. In a well-prepared offensive, he challenged Cameron to cap party donations at £5,000. No chance, said the PM. This would mean political parties being subsidised from public funds.
‘I don’t see why the result of a trade union scandal should be tax-payers paying for Labour.’
Miliband ambushed him again. He called on Cameron to ban MPs from holding directorships and consultancies in the next parliament. Cameron weaved uncertainly past this question and added a sneering put-down
‘No wonder he doesn’t want to talk about the unions stitching up elections.’
Labour’s backbenches stormed in behind their leader with an adroit series of counter-strikes. Nick Dakin demanded that Asil Nadir’s ‘tainted’ donation to the Tories be returned. Alison Seabeck told Cameron his welfare reforms had left 90 percent of carers facing eviction. Helen Goodman declared that the inept new banking laws were a covert pay-off for scheming financiers. Ian Lucas claimed that JCB boss Sir Anthony Bamford had once had William Hague on his pay-roll. And Andy Sawford said that ‘a donors dinner in Downing Street’ had resulted in a bung of £836,000 being slipped to the Tories.
‘In return for what?’ he yelled. He didn’t get an answer. He didn’t really want one.
‘Donors dinners in Downing Street’ has been drummed into the bonces of Labour backbenchers like ‘Tyger, Tyger, Burning bright!’ into the minds of schoolkids. Regular repetition of this sinister phrase is supposed to promote a certain picture of Tory policy-making:
Knighted fat-cats and claret-soaked medical profiteers converge after dark at Number 10 and sign secret pacts with David Cameron which guarantee more money for lazy millionaires while cleaners get the sack, exhausted nurses are stripped of their pension rights and dying patients writhe in their own ordure. It’s a vivid and revolting altarpiece and, like most religious art, it’s entirely bogus but deeply appealing to the faithful.
Mark Reckless did his bit to add some corrective coloration. He claimed that union bosses had misled and exploited ‘ordinary union members’. He praised the toiling masses as ‘lions led by donkeys’. This sort of language belongs to the revolutionary era of the Great War. Yet it was heartily cheered by the Tory benches. The fact is that Conservatives enjoy a bit of class war just much as Labour. (And the ones who say they hate it are simply pursuing it by other means).
Miliband had a decent outing today. He showed verve, assurance and pugnacity at the despatch-box and he cheated Cameron of another easy victory.
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