Problem children

There was a time when middle-class liberals used to complain that the English were a nation of child haters. They packed them off to boarding school as soon as possible and banned them from the dinner table as soon as they got back. Why-oh-why, they asked, can’t the English just relax and enjoy the presence of children like the French did?

Well, they’ve got their wish. That old, much-mocked Victorian proverb — children should be seen and not heard — has been replaced by a new dictum in child-centric Britain: children must be seen, heard, celebrated, praised and obeyed all of the time.

Once children were expected to fit themselves around the needs of grown-ups; now it’s the other way around. In progressive minded households, children are regarded as mini-adults with rights who must be consulted on all family matters. When I asked a friend about suitable dates for my son and me to visit his family during the summer break he said great, but he’d have to check with his daughter first and get back to me. His daughter is 11.

Going to the cinema with friends with young children — especially if you don’t have them — is now impossible. You want to see something smart or sexy; they want something fluffy and fun for their kids. And whatever you do don’t get stuck in a car journey with friends who have kids and Spotify. Adults are not allowed to choose a song as I discovered when I had to sit in silence for four hours on the motorway listening to a Taylor Swift singalong.

We used to have something called adult time and adult spaces. It gave parents and kids a break to do their own things. Adults were mysterious creatures; now they’re your best mates (or want to be). We have kiddie time, all the time.