‘How was your week?’ I asked my friend as we rode our horses to Bookham Common. ‘Fine,’ she said. ‘Except the other day I got caught in a yellow box. £65.’
‘Me too!’ I said. ‘Where was yours?’ ‘Kingston,’ she said. ‘Mine was in Raynes Park,’ I said. ‘£65. Junction of Coombe Lane and Durham Road. No idea how I did it. It was at night so I never had a chance. It won’t have been well lit.’
‘Mine was during the day but I only just got stuck in it. The bumper was overhanging for about three seconds. I’ve requested the video footage.’
‘Good for you. I paid mine. I don’t have the time to mount a challenge this month, what with moving house.’
And on we chuntered about our yellow box fines, as we rode our horses to Bookham. Two ladies who lunch having a good old natter about our weekly law-breaking.
It occurred to me that this is very much the shape of things to come so far as the middle classes are concerned. Very soon we will all be asking each other:
‘How was your week? Many fines?’ ‘Yes, I was caught in a bus lane and got a littering penalty for feeding a piece of leftover sandwich to a pigeon. How about you?’ ‘Not bad. I only got one parking ticket, for being 30 seconds late back to my car after visiting my dying aunt in hospital, and a penalty for not putting my food composting waste out on the right day. I don’t know what possessed me. I thought it was Thursday but of course Thursday is the plastics and card recycling, not the food waste!’ ‘Honestly! What are you like?’ ‘I know! You would think I would have learned by now! I’m up to £500 in food waste fines this year alone!’
Of course, while all this is happening, members of the non-working classes will walk down the street smoking skunk with impunity, supported by the liberal elite who believe more drug use is the way ahead.
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