Real life | 7 July 2012

‘Police Notice,’ said the police notice nailed up on a fence post at the entrance to the common land where I ride my horses.

‘It has become apparent that activities of an unacceptable nature are taking place in this area, together with offences of litter and criminal damage.’

At first I thought they were talking about Iranian New Year. Nothing wrong with Iranian New Year per se, of course, but this year they decided to hold it in Surrey and the celebrations all but brought the area to a standstill.

I had never seen so many BMW saloons doing three-point turns in one narrow country lane. The fabulously dressed and bejewelled owners kept winding the windows down and shouting at me for directions as I rode my horse: ‘Excuse me! Where is lake?’ they called, as I tried to steer my wild-eyed mare away from their meandering Beemers.

After directing about two dozen cars to the beauty spot in question, I realised that whilst doing my bit for Anglo–Arab relations, I was not necessarily doing the right thing logistically speaking.

When I got to the lake, an outdoor disco was booming, hordes of people were flocking from their cars and a desperate Surrey wildlife ranger was waving her arms at the ceaseless flow of oncoming BMWs trying to direct them away again. 

By mid-afternoon hundreds of cars had come off the A3 in search of the waterside Persian New Year disco and were piled up down both sides of the country lanes, preventing any further movement of traffic.

I had no idea this was how the vernal equinox was traditionally celebrated. 

I don’t want to cast a single aspersion on this noble day. All I will say by way of complaint is that I reckon I would struggle to get away with parking a couple of hundred cars on double yellow lines on z-bending country lanes if I wanted to celebrate Christian New Year by the lake.