Sexed up

In Competition No. 2762 you were invited to leap on to the latest literary bandwagon and submit an extract from a racy retelling of a classic work of literature. There was a finely calibrated mix of gusto and restraint in the entry and I regretted not having space for Alan Millard’s saucy Great Expectations (‘“Es-Tel-La,” Pip repeated, letting the syllables slip from his tongue like drops of honey.’) Printed below are six of the best, which earn their authors £25 apiece. W.J. Webster takes the extra fiver.

‘Ah, Mrs Corney, ma’am,’ exclaimed Mr Bumble, easing back in his chair, ‘ you know how to make a man feel — (here he paused, glancing slyly down) — unbuttoned. You see the way to my heart.’
Mrs Corney, abashed at the thought of approaching that noble organ, was glad that another — more palpable — lay closer to hand. ‘Just you lean back, Mr Bumble,’ the lady murmured,’ and let me unloose you a little more.’
Although she had been twenty-five years a widow, Mrs Corney retained full knowledge of a man’s underpinnings: the strings to pull, the folds to open, the buttons to free.
‘Be not so reticent, ma’am,’ urged Mr Bumble, panting slightly.
‘Give tongue to your thoughts.’
‘I hold your beadle’s staff in honour, sir,’ replied the lady; ‘and have dreamt of doing it service. Shall I ever succeed?’
‘Succeed you shall!’ cried Mr Bumble, with a moan. ‘Succeed you do!’
From ‘The Story of O with a Twist’ by Charlene Dickins/W.J. Webster

‘Behold!’ cried the Spirit.
Through the curtains Ebenezer Scrooge stared amazedly as the portly and respectable Mrs Fezziwig enthusiastically removed her embroidered night-dress, while before her stood Mr Fezziwig himself, quite as plumply naked as the pinkest turkey in the butcher’s window, and manifestly in the mood for a Christmas celebration. The estimable pair were soon most energetically engaged.