In Competition No. 3257, you were invited to summarise a film in limerick form.
A nod to Ezra Haber Glenn, American academic, film reviewer and inventor of the filmerick. Here’s his take on Chloé Zhao’s 2020 Nomadland.
They may think that you don’t have a plan, When they see that you poop in a can, But it’s them that did go mad, You hard-working nomad: You’ve a home on the road in your van.
In a large entry, it was pleasing to see so many unfamiliar names rubbing shoulders with the vets. Honourable mentions go to Hugh Keyte, Janine Beacham, Mike Greenhough, Philip Machin, Dorothy Pope and Philip Wilson. The winners pocket £9 each.
The Austrian scenes are aesthetic, Von Trapp kids are cute but emetic, There’s oodles and oodles Of schnitzels and strudels – Don’t watch it if you’re diabetic. David Silverman/The Sound of Music
Dr Frankenstein had an idea: To assemble a creature of fear. The subhuman wreck With that bolt through its neck Looked like something he’d bought from Ikea. Brian Allgar/Frankenstein
See Terence and Hugo and Guy Take a bus trip together. But why? After meanness and malice They’re Red Hot in Alice And then they wave gaily goodbye. Ann Drysdale/The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert
We learn through his canine narration, That Pongo, a dogged dalmation, Denies heiress Cruella Her puppy paella And prevents the proposed immolation. Richard Spencer/101 Dalmations
Though seduced by Elaine’s sexy mother, Ben loses his heart to none other Than the cuter Elaine, Which causes folks pain — But they’ll manage one way or another. Martin Elster/The Graduate
The plot’s a humdinger, yes ma’am! Civil War and crossed lovers – wham, bam! But did Scarlett love Rhett? Aw, shucks, I forget But, frankly, I don’t give a damn. Ann Wooby/Gone With the Wind
I thought Dune was a thrill when I read it, But then Lynch (aptly named) chose to shred it. When tomatoes were flung, Even Sting wound up stung. Lynch himself tried denying all credit. Susan McLean/Dune
Gunslinger by trade, not by look, Helped settlers resist a sharp crook; Faced a mob and a hotshot And outshot the whole lot, Then slung not his gun but his hook. W.J. Webster/Shane
If… was subversively odd, Teachers slain in a public school quad By faux-dissident youth, Upper-class and uncouth – (None of that at your Secondary Mod.) Mike Morrison/If
It begins with a fly in the eye As the six o’clock train trundles by, But their plans are derailed Their coupling curtailed – With a stiff upper lip, it’s ‘Goodbye’. Sylvia Fairley/Brief Encounter
The unburied dead there’s no stopping Despite all of our hacking and chopping. To escape from them all We holed up at the mall But alas, the dead also go shopping. Adrian Fry/Dawn of the Dead
The author, one Alain Robbe-Grillet, Said ‘What’s it about? Ça fait chier! I’ve thought since a lad About Marienbad, But what it all means still beats me, eh?’ A.R. Duncan-Jones/Last Year in Marienbad
It’s Penis-tone Crag, California: No primrose path ever seemed thornier. Says Larry to Merle Think of Yorkshire, Deah Girl. The love scenes have seldom been cornier. Bill Greenwell/Wuthering Heights (1939)
After light-years, they came to a planet As scenic as home, but apes ran it. They possessed great acumen – Far more than the human Thinking: ‘This can’t be Earth. No! Or can it?’ John Nagel/Planet of the Apes
The Mayor is a miserable toad; The Cop has an honourable code. The Expert gets beaten, The Captain gets eaten, The Shark? Well, it gets to explode. Paul Freeman/Jaws
No. 3260: Hidden agenda
You are invited to reveal the existence of a government department, hitherto unsuspected, by means of a speech by its minister,explaining its important policies. Please email entries of up to 150 words to lucy@spectator.co.uk by midday on 27 July.
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