Rob Stuart Our Dawkins, who art in Oxford, Followed be thy meme. Let religious apologists come, You’ll tear them a new one In Fort Worth, Mombasa or in Devon. Give us this day our daily facts And forgive those who criticise our best guesses, As if an as yet incomplete explanation of the laws governing the physical universe somehow represents a damning indictment of the scientific method. Lead us not into superstition, But deliver us from concepts that are medieval, For we are all of the animal kingdom, With the power of reason, and glory in nature Until the inevitable and complete extinguishment of our consciousnesses at the moment of death, an event which reason dictates, ipso facto, to be unsurvivable in any meaningful sense, Darwin.
Alanna Blake Our Faithbase, which is in the Cloud, Genderless be your name. May your dominion extend, Your influence magnify In reality as it does online. Give us us each day our social media And preserve us from inappropriate behaviour As we avoid that which may be offensive to others. Let us not forget our passwords, Or overborrow on our credit facilities, For yours are the algorithms, The power and the profit As long as a signal lasts. Send.
George Simmers To whom it may concern (Allegedly residing in the conceptual space known as ‘Heaven’): You seem to think the name of ‘God’ is hallowed But we consider all the names given to deities by various cultural traditions equally valid. Please note that we reject talk of kingdoms and wills As being insufferably patriarchal. Plus: we require you to note that many of us have complex dietary requirements; Any bread, daily or otherwise, should be gluten free. Important: We reserve the right to take offence, And will therefore speak offensively about those who offend us. Lead us not into unsafe spaces, And protect us from opinions we disagree with. For goodness sake take note of what Foucauldian analysis Has to say about discourse validating Kingdoms, power, glory and so forth. And don’t you dare suggest that the genders you originally supplied us are ones that we should be satisfied with for ever and ever. Aaah-LGBTQIAPK
D.A. Prince My phone, which is at hand, Apple is your name. Your emails come, your texts are done at home, and anywhere, really. Give me today my constant fix and forgive my missed Likes as I try to forgive those who do not Follow me. And lead me not into too much browsing but deliver me from RSI. For you hold all contacts, my status, have aura, as long as I ever keep you charged. Ah, phone.
Basil Ransome-Davies To whom it may concern: Forget the Jesus stuff. In fact, completely spurn All supernatural guff.
Let’s make ourselves a deal. We’ll scratch each other’s backs. I’ll listen to your spiel. You help me cheat my tax.
‘Cash nexus’ are the words That make the world go round. Compassion’s for the birds And Earth’s a battleground.
Godfather of the greedy, Let me survive this war. Protect me from the needy. Arm me against the poor.
John O’Byrne r pa@hvn.org #thykingdom. Hallow@thyname. U wil b dun@eart as #hvn. Giv us fud & 4giv us r rongs lyk we 4giv al snrs #badsins @badudes. No mor +tempts r +evil @deliverus ok? Ur cool. Thine @kingdom @power @glory @evrythin. 4Evr&Evr #amen #topgod #evrule. Respect.
‘Lines For A Christmas Card’ by Hilaire Belloc goes like this: ‘May all my enemies go to hell,/ Noel, Noel, Noel, Noel.’ Let’s have ‘Lines For A Christmas Card’ courtesy of other well-known poets (please specify). Please email (wherever possible) entries of up to 16 lines to lucy@spectator.co.uk by midday on 30 November. Apologies for the earlier-than usual-deadline. This is because of Christmas production schedules.
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