Bill Greenwell The Love Song of F. Ingvar Kamprad Now that you’ve unpacked my heart And checked that it’s complete, It’s time for passion. You may start By folding. Do not cheat.
Should you decide I suit your style — Convenient, well-packed — You might like this, well worth your while: My replica, exact.
Efficiency’s emotion squared, And repetition lust: I think you’ll find we’re well-prepared: I know you will adjust.
Come with me, heading one way round Love’s labyrinthine spree, With tea-lights twinkling, napkins found, And meatballs for our tea.
Chris O’Carroll The Love Song of Donald J.

Britain’s best politics newsletters
You get two free articles each week when you sign up to The Spectator’s emails.
Already a subscriber? Log in
Comments
Join the debate for just £1 a month
Be part of the conversation with other Spectator readers by getting your first three months for £3.
UNLOCK ACCESS Just £1 a monthAlready a subscriber? Log in