If April is the cruellest month, it must be because it contains the Easter holidays. At least, it seems that way if you have four young children, expecting to be entertained. I invited my ‘followers’ on Twitter to come up with some suggestions and they weren’t helpful.
‘Why don’t you lend your kids to Nike?’ said one. ‘They’ll get a free trip to Indonesia and learn how to make trainers at the same time.’
‘Stuff them full of chocolates and then eat them,’ said another.
In the end, it was Ludo, my four-year-old son, who came up with the winning idea: a trip to the airport on the Heathrow Express. Now, I know that doesn’t sound promising, but it had a number of things going for it. For one, Ludo loves all forms of transport and this combined planes, trains and automobiles. For another, you don’t have to pay for kids under five on trains, so the youngest three would go free. Finally, I was curious to see how empty it would be. Fewer people are taking holidays abroad, thanks to the credit crunch.
The outbound leg of the trip passed without incident, unless you count 22-month-old Freddie wetting himself. At my insistence, we have taken him out of nappies. This has nothing to do with the environment, obviously. Its sole purpose is so that I can lord it over other parents who have not started potty-training their toddlers yet. You’d be amazed by how much competitive satisfaction can be derived from pointing at a friend’s four-year-old and saying, ‘Still in nappies, is he?’
On arrival at Heathrow, we decided to go straight to T5. Neither my wife nor I had seen it yet and there’s supposed to be a Gordon Ramsay restaurant there.
Comments
Join the debate for just $5 for 3 months
Be part of the conversation with other Spectator readers by getting your first three months for $5.
UNLOCK ACCESS Just $5 for 3 monthsAlready a subscriber? Log in