Gstaad
When I spoke to the mayor of Gstaad, as well as some other local stalwarts, they all assured me that they are ready for any invasion by the Libyans, and are confident that they will kick them back into the Mediterranean where they came from. For any of you who might have missed it because of Gordon Brown’s bullying shenanigans, or John Terry’s, or even news that David Cameron is close to blowing it, here is the latest: Col. Muammar Gaddafi, the great leader of Libya, has called for a jihad against Switzerland over the Swiss minaret ban. This may have caused tremors among the hookers in Geneva and jewellery salesmen in St Moritz but to the average Swiss burgher it is like ‘San Marino or Monte Carlo declaring war on us’.
Mind you, the Swiss are not being overconfident. In my not so humble opinion, both San Marino and Monte Carlo would be odds-on in a war against Libya, a country whose two great victories of recent years have been in murdering an unarmed British police constable, a woman, and in blowing up an airliner, also unarmed, packed with unarmed men, women and children. San Marino and Monte Carlo cops carry weapons, something the glorious Libyan armed forces are not used to coming up against. But let’s be fair. There have been other Libyan victories, such as the one over the Filipino couple Hannibal Gaddafi imprisoned and beat up in Geneva a couple of years ago, and the other incident at Claridge’s only recently.
‘Those who destroy God’s mosques deserve to be attacked, and if Switzerland was on our borders, we would fight it,’ the brave Gaddafi was quoted as saying by the Jamahiriya News Agency last Thursday. Which means the Swiss can relax and concentrate instead on their cuckoo clocks, their banking and the fact that they are not part of the EU and not responsible for the Greek crooks who are demanding to be bailed out.
The EU, of course, has shown its mettle. No sooner had the Swiss invoked the Schengen Agreement against the Libyans, they were forced to climb down by the bureau crooks in Brussels. The charlatan in Tripoli has 140 billion greenbacks in his kitty, which makes him a very big man among the dwarfs who run our lives nowadays. Gaddafi’s problem is the hair dye he uses. It has seeped into his brain cells, hence the Prisoner of Zenda uniforms and the strutting about the world stage. The real problem, of course, is little old us. Our politicians claim that power belongs to the people, but it’s the biggest crock ever. The only ones who count are those with moolah, like the clown of Tripoli, or those other buffoons of the Gulf.
Martin Samuel wrote a very good piece about a rice deal gone wrong and the reaction of the head camel driver’s brother. Issa bin Zayed al-Nahyan, a member of the United Arab Emirates ruling family, got peeved at Mohammed Shapoor, an Afghani trader, and had him lashed with a plank of nails, raped with an electric baton and run over by an SUV. And reminiscent of a certain ex-president of Liberia, who was videotaped by the henchmen of his successor while his ears were being cut off — and I hate to think what else — Issa baby videotaped the unfortunate rice trader during the torture. The Abu Dhabi torture tape barely caused a ripple in Britain, or in Europe, for that matter. Medieval torture is OK if the torturers own a major Premier League football club. The thinking is, so what’s an electric prod or two up one’s bum when the prodder can buy us a place in the top four.
Closer to home, in London’s Landmark Hotel, a Saudi multimillionaire member of yet another ruling family is alleged to have strangled and bludgeoned his manservant to death. The camel driver has a leading criminal defence barrister representing him. Looking into my crystal ball I predict the Saudi will go free, just as the Abu Dhabi bum did. The Saudis have oil and moolah, as do the Libyans and the Abu Dhabians. The Blairs, Browns and Camerons of this world will kiss their arse and to hell with a few tortured or dead bodies. Take it from Taki. The guy will walk.
Then there’s the British captive, David Proctor, held for 12 months by a Qatari shit, sorry, sheikh, a member of the Al-Thani family. Caught in a power struggle between camel drivers, the Cambridge-educated financier is held hostage by those nice guys whom our civil servants and even the royal family spread their cheeks wide for. It’s really priceless and wonderful stuff. How Europe shamelessly genuflects to the desert swine. The first to assail Switzerland for evoking the Schengen Agreement was the Italian Foreign Minister Franco Frattini, he of the tiny organ and oily hair. ‘By their action they have taken the rest of us hostage,’ said the Italian. And I suppose he was right to side with Libya. After all, it was the only country the glorious Italian army managed to subdue in the last century, and, as the great Greek militarist leader Taki said, ‘Disrespect your vanquished enemy and you disrespect yourself.’ It makes one proud as hell to be a European.
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