Matthew Dancona

The crazy Cabinet

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Any citizen tuning in to the BBC to watch the Budget would conclude that we are governed by a wardful of maniacs. As Darling drones on, Jack Straw and Alan Johnson have their tongues lodged in their mouths. Ed Balls and Hazel Blears compete to nod like the dogs on the dashboard of a Ford Transit. Harriet Harman chides the Tories like an irritable headmistress. Ruth Kelly grins miserably. David Miliband looks on quizzically. Douglas Alexander slumps with abject melancholy as though he might at any moment burst in to tears: perhaps he is considering his triumph of the election-that-never-was, the moment when Gordon’s luck turned.

Breaking news: Jack Straw just took his pen out. Now he has put it back…