The insidious creep of corporate friendliness

Have you noticed it? The slide towards faux-friendliness and fake sincerity from the companies with whom we used to have an impersonal and transactional relationship. The deal used to be simple: we paid them, they did things or provided stuff, thank you and goodbye. If something went awry, we told them and, with luck, they fixed it. Feelings, other than occasional frustration, did not come into it. But in recent years, presumably inspired by American corporate culture, companies are no longer content with worming their way into our wallets. Now they want to commandeer the emotional part of our brains as well. They’ve done their research into behavioural science and the psychology of retail. They have started to emote, to empathise, to understand and to ‘chat’.

I’m still reeling from the recent ‘chat’ I had with my bank, HSBC. I logged on to my online banking with the simple goal of ordering a new cheque book. After a few minutes of futile clicking, a cheery chat bot popped up, enquiring whether I needed any assistance. I typed my one-line request. The chat bot apologised airily but said it didn’t know what I was talking about. I tried again. Nope, the bank’s chatting machine had never heard of cheque books or the ordering thereof, but was absolutely there to help me. This exchange carried on, until finally it gave in and suggested I call the helpline or pop into my local branch (which is shortly to be closed, as all our banking needs can be carried out online). Having assisted with nothing, this electronic gremlin rounded off our conversation by asking if there was ‘anything else I can help you with’ and wishing me a nice day. What on earth would our grandparents’ pragmatic generation have made of this sort of institutional nonsense?